Entry Fifty-One.
Tuesday, 2007.08.07, 11:46 AM CST.
So much stuff is gone... but I must progress.

Well, it is interesting the way that life works.

Over the course of mum's hospital stay, I was informed that my old high school building (see Journal Entry 48) had indeed been demolished as scheduled.  I went by the site shortly after mum's death and confirmed that the building was gone - just a huge empty space where so many memories had run their course in my youth.

It had been only a few weeks before, during my mother's earliest days in her hometown hospital or more likely even earlier, that my wife and I had driven by the old Bell's Amusement Park site and saw the grounds in rubble.  It was painful to see, as I had gone there so many times when I was a kid and I never thought in my wildest dreams that Bell's would ever go anywhere.

And, shortly after the funeral four days ago, I drove Lanna through the campus of Rogers State University to see the latest changes.  I wasn't surprised at all to see that the little building in which I had performed as part of the Edge of Insanity radio crew was gone; in fact, I that little old radio building had probably been torn down quite a while back.  I was shocked - absolutely shocked - when I drove by the site of the old Post House (aka Post Hall) at RSU, the location in which I had done the DJ work for countless proms, wedding receptions, Rogers State Upward Bound dances, and other such events over the last 19 years.

The building was gone.  Completely gone.  The television broadcasting building next to it was still up, but the Post House, which not only served as a rental hall for functions but also as the campus cafeteria and bookstore, was missing.  Long had it stood proudly atop the hill, with a beautiful view of the campus duck pond... but it was now just a big patch of dirt.

I don't understand why so many things have to change so drastically in this world, and frankly, I don't like it.  I don't want to sound like an old codger (I often feel extremely youthful for my age), but it gives me a pretty palpable sense of emotional pain whenever I see that a place I used to frequent when I was younger is no longer around.

I'd give just about anything to be able to call up my mum, go to Mohawk Music for a bit, cruise by Toy City, play some video games at Nautilus, buy some computer games at Home Software, eat some pizza at the old Chuck E. Cheese location (in the Crosstown Shopping Center on Admiral), and then maybe get some coffee at the old Gold Coast.

But, I can't.  They're gone.  All gone.  Or, as she used to tell me when I was a toddler and I had finished up all of my food at a meal, "Gone gone."

I cannot let the emotional feelings beat me down, however.  I have a beautiful wife and a wonderful baby boy, and the rest of my life awaits.  While mum was on her deathbed, I told her that I was going to move forward and live my life - I wasn't going to drag myself down mourning her.  She gave me her assurance that that was what she wanted.  She wanted me to be happy, and she wanted me to move forward.

I am at a very strange, very transitional point in my life.  I have a number of projects upon which I need to concentrate, and I want to sit down and learn a lot more things about the world as well as pick up some newer technologies for my career.  I have been sitting around long enough, feeling like the world was passing me by.

I'm not going to take it anymore.  It's time to get off my ass and do something.

One project that I have been planning for quite some time is a special celebration, scheduled for February 2008.  At that time, I will have been involved in the DJ industry for twenty years.  Can you believe that?  Twenty years!  Well over half my life!  I am looking around at different locations in Tulsa at which to have this massive party...  I know that I cannot have it at the Gypsy Coffee House (my normal party location of choice), because the Gypsy's not big enough for a celebration of this magnitude.  Plus, the Gypsy doesn't allow alcohol, and while I certainly don't need alcohol to have a good time, it certainly does assist in greasing the proverbial wheels of a party crowd.

Enough about the 20-year celebration, though.  I have a lot more planning to do, and I will reveal more here over time.  It's going to be the biggest bash that I've ever thrown, though.

As far as the other projects are concerned...  Well, I'll discuss those in due time as well.  For now, I need to stop writing, and start doing stuff.

If you've read all my entries through this entire ordeal regarding my mother's passing, then may God bless you.

Thanks for your time...  More later.

Badger

These are the last two pictures of my mum that were ever taken...
She was as proud of my son, X, as any grandmother on earth.
During the few times that I brought him over to visit, she only held him once,
and I was lucky enough to get these pictures of that cherished moment.
Rest in peace, Mama.  Rest in peace.
(For more information about her passing, please see Entry 49.)