Entry One Hundred Fifteen.
Friday, 2010-01-01, 10:28 AM CST.
New Year's Eve/"Love Is a Shield."
Current Mood:  Optimistic.  Current Scent:  The faint remnants of Casran by Chopard.

So, it's now 2010.  I didn't go anywhere for New Year's Eve; I stayed home with Lanna and X and watched Dick Clark do his best to count down to midnight.  "HAPPUH NUH YUHHH!!!"  I have a feeling 2010 is going to bring forth a lot of magnificent changes and good things.  Don't ask me why I have this feeling; I really don't know.

It's hard to believe how much time had gone by since my first "Christmas season" of DJing.  It's been twenty years since then.  It had been twenty years since I bought tracks like Phil Collins' "Another Day in Paradise," Technotronic's "Pump Up the Jam," 101's "Rock To the Beat," and a whole slew of modernized Christmas tunes in a compilation called A Very Special Christmas.

One of the biggest tracks I can remember picking up from around that time, though, was "Love Is A Shield" from Camouflage.  It wasn't a big deal commercially - a club-oriented electronic track - but it was a song with which I had essentially fallen in love from listening to it on KTOW (the best radio station Tulsa ever had, 1988-1991).  If I remember correctly, I ran out and picked up the 12" vinyl single at some time between Christmas and New Year's Eve.  I played it over and over at home.  I loved that song.

However, on New Year's Eve 1989, I was borderline suicidal.

At the end of the year in 1989, I was at the top of my class in high school, and I owned my own mobile DJ business.  I should have been on top of the world.  Instead, for most part, I really disliked high school, and I was very lonely, and I felt heartbroken by someone named... Joanna, I think?  We went out once and I was really naively hoping something would develop from it.  It was really ignorant, stupid thinking on my part.  However, I was 18 and still relatively introverted, but hopeful.  Let's face it...  I was grabbing at straws at that point.

I hated my life that night.  While other people were out having fun at parties, I was sitting at home, alone, watching some NYE special at home (Exposé performed, if I remember correctly), writing something that wasn't a "suicide note," but basically would have served the same purpose.  It was kind of a "I'm not going to kill myself tonight, but just in case I do..." type of note.  Very drawn-out, about how cruel the world was and about how I was so tremendously lonely.

It's amazing how things change.  Obviously, I survived, and now two whole decades have passed.

Twenty years.  Twenty Christmases, twenty birthdays.  Twenty whole years.  That is insane.

2010 is going to be one of the biggest years I've ever had.  I don't know how I know it; I just have a feeling.

Incidentally, I still adore "Love Is a Shield."  Happy new year, everybody.

Badger