Entry One Hundred Fifty-Two.
Thursday, 2012.03.22, 9:27 AM CST.
"The Last Time" - One of the most important posts I've ever written here.
Current Mood:  Somewhat optimistic.
Current Scent:  A light glaze of sweat.

Yesterday, I had a bit of a revelation.

I had been thinking about old computer games - specifically, the games that I used to play on my Apple IIe back in the 1980s.  One of those games was "Bruce Lee," produced by Datasoft.

For its time, "Bruce Lee" was a fantastic game.  It was cleverly-designed, even if the plot was a little weird.  The player maneuvred Bruce around a series of levels, jumping around buildings and caves, gathering lanterns (?) while being pursued by a ninja and a really fast sumo-wrestler dude.

That's not the point, though.  The point is this:

At some point in the 1980s or maybe even early 1990s, there was a point at which I played "Bruce Lee" for the last time.

It wasn't a conscious thing.  I didn't sit down and say, "This is the last time I ever play 'Bruce Lee.'"  One day, I played the game again, I probably enjoyed it, and that was it.  I turned off the game, and eventually the disc made its way back into the box.

I still have the game... and the box.

Life has a lot of "last times."  Do you remember the last time you talked to your best friend?  Odds are, you do.  What about the last time you rode a bike?  What about the last time you climbed a tree?

Most of you reading this will probably talk to your best friend soon, and you might even ride a bike soon.  Odds are most of you won't have any reason to climb a tree, so that last time you climbed a tree was THE LAST TIME.  Period.

Yet, I bet you didn't intend it that way.  I bet you didn't say, "This will be the last time I ever climb a tree, so let's get it over with."  I bet you had fun doing it, but it just so happened that you never did it again.

I remember the last time that I was at DJ TMJ's house out north of Tulsa.  He and his wife were selling their house, and I knew it would be the last time that I would ever be there.  I even took pictures.  (I'll talk more about that in a future post.)  Odds are I'll never have occasion to go into that house again.

I remember the last time that I spent time at Mohawk Music in Tulsa.  Technically, they were out of business already, and the staff there were still doing their final cleanup, but I dropped in and chatted for a while, knowing full well that once I left, I would never walk into Mohawk Music again.

I remember the last time I climbed into the Death Tank, the old van I used when I DJed gigs with my mobile company, EKG.  I climbed into the Death Tank to take pictures of it before it was sold off.  I loved that old van, but I knew I would probably never see it again.

I remember the last time I walked out of my mom's room in the intensive care unit at Southcrest Hospital in 2007.  There was no hope left for keeping her alive, and I knew that I would never have a conversation with her, or watch a movie with her, or do anything with her again.  She passed away about eight hours later.

Yet, get this - the last time my mom watched "CSI" on TV, she didn't know it was going to be the last time she ever watched it, and she loved that show.

The first time my mom held my infant son, X, who was not even four months old at the time... she didn't realize it was also THE LAST TIME she would ever hold him.

You might be wondering when this is going to really apply to you.  Well, here's where it applies to you.

Nobody lives forever.  NOBODY.  I mean, certainly, many people believe in an "afterlife" to which we transfer after we die... but nobody will stay here, living as a mortal on earth, forever.  It doesn't happen.

Memento mori, people.  Remember that you, too, will die.

If you wake up and hear Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex You Up" on the radio, and then you get hit by a truck later in the day... that'll be the last time you hear that song.

There will be a last time that you ever drive a car.

There will be a last time that you will ever watch your favourite TV show.

There will be a last time that you ever make pancakes for your family.

If you have kids, there will be a last time that you will ever hug them.

There will be a last time that you eat a French fry.

There will be a last time that you tell someone - anyone - that you love them.

Yet, odds are... you won't know that it's the last time that you do any of these things.

Many of you don't know that I have lived the last several years weighed down by depression.  There have been joyous times during those years, of course, but there have also been times at which I have, honestly, felt absolutely worthless.  I've felt like the world was just passing me by as I struggled, and the worst part was that I LET it happen.

I felt like I didn't deserve to enjoy my life because I hadn't accomplished what I needed to... so I just let things slide and kept sinking down further.

I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling like I don't deserve to be happy, and I have a feeling some of you out there might be in the same boat.

For the love of whatever you find holy, WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, would you do things differently today?  You most likely would.

If you drive today, you could get hit by a truck.  Even if you stay inside, you could have a sudden freak medical episode - like an aneurysm or a heart attack - and you could drop dead.  Even if you're the healthiest person you know, something could happen and this could be the end.  It's not a probability by any means... but it's always a possibility.

Today might be the last day you have, so you need to wake up and start enjoying it.

This could be "the last time" for a lot of things... so you'd better MAKE IT COUNT.

You won't get another shot at this life, and in many respects, it costs NOTHING to do more to MAKE IT COUNT.

The next time you play the guitar, don't just play it... play the hell out of it.

The next time you hug your kids, don't just hug them... hug the hell out of them.

The next time you have sex with someone, bang the hell out of them.

The next time you make pancakes, make the hell out of them.  (Even I don't know exactly what I mean by this... maybe you should play some exciting music in the background or something.)

The big deal is this:  I don't care how young you are or how healthy you are, your life is finite and if you don't step up and really start living with a purpose, then you're going to be wasting your time being idle.

I'm tired of being idle.  I'm tired of only feeling like I "deserve" to let life drag me along at its whim.  It's time to climb up and start living my life instead of just existing.  It's time to start kicking life's ass instead of the other way around.

Even when things get rough - and life will get rough, I assure you - we can still find the nuggets of joy in it to make it more tolerable.

We need to start living with purpose and making things count, because we never know when "the last time" will be.

Don't just live your life, people... live the hell out of it.  You will never get another chance.

More soon.

Badger