One Hundred Fifty-Two.
Thursday, 2012.03.22, 9:27 AM CST.
Last Time" - One of the most important posts I've ever written
Current Mood: Somewhat optimistic.
Current Scent: A light glaze of sweat.
I had a bit of a revelation.
had been thinking about old computer games - specifically, the games
that I used to play on my Apple IIe back in the 1980s. One of
those games was "Bruce Lee," produced by Datasoft.
its time, "Bruce Lee" was a fantastic game. It was cleverly-designed,
even if the plot was a little weird. The player maneuvred Bruce
around a series of levels, jumping around buildings and caves, gathering
lanterns (?) while being pursued by a ninja and a really fast sumo-wrestler
not the point, though. The point is this:
some point in the 1980s or maybe even early 1990s, there was a point
at which I played "Bruce Lee" for the last time.
wasn't a conscious thing. I didn't sit down and say, "This
is the last time I ever play 'Bruce Lee.'" One day, I played
the game again, I probably enjoyed it, and that was it. I turned
off the game, and eventually the disc made its way back into the box.
still have the game... and the box.
has a lot of "last times." Do you remember the last
time you talked to your best friend? Odds are, you do. What
about the last time you rode a bike? What about the last time
you climbed a tree?
of you reading this will probably talk to your best friend soon, and
you might even ride a bike soon. Odds are most of you won't have
any reason to climb a tree, so that last time you climbed a tree was
THE LAST TIME. Period.
I bet you didn't intend it that way. I bet you didn't say, "This
will be the last time I ever climb a tree, so let's get it over with."
I bet you had fun doing it, but it just so happened that you never did
remember the last time that I was at DJ TMJ's house out north of Tulsa.
He and his wife were selling their house, and I knew it would be the
last time that I would ever be there. I even took pictures.
(I'll talk more about that in a future post.) Odds
are I'll never have occasion to go into that house again.
remember the last time that I spent time at Mohawk Music in Tulsa.
Technically, they were out of business already, and the staff there
were still doing their final cleanup, but I dropped in and chatted for
a while, knowing full well that once I left, I would never walk into
Mohawk Music again.
remember the last time I climbed into the Death Tank, the old van I
used when I DJed gigs with my mobile company, EKG. I climbed into
the Death Tank to take pictures
of it before it was sold off. I loved that old van, but I knew
I would probably never see it again.
remember the last time I walked out of my
mom's room in the intensive care unit at Southcrest Hospital in
2007. There was no hope left for keeping her alive, and I knew
that I would never have a conversation with her, or watch a movie with
her, or do anything with her again. She passed away about
eight hours later.
get this - the last time my mom watched "CSI" on TV, she didn't
know it was going to be the last time she ever watched it, and she loved
first time my mom held my infant son, X, who was not even four months
old at the time... she didn't realize it was also THE LAST TIME she
would ever hold him.
might be wondering when this is going to really apply to you.
Well, here's where it applies to you.
lives forever. NOBODY. I mean, certainly, many
people believe in an "afterlife" to which we transfer after
we die... but nobody will stay here, living as a mortal on earth, forever.
It doesn't happen.
mori, people. Remember that you, too, will die.
you wake up and hear Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex You Up"
on the radio, and then you get hit by a truck later in the day... that'll
be the last time you hear that song.
will be a last time that you ever drive a car.
will be a last time that you will ever watch your favourite TV show.
will be a last time that you ever make pancakes for your family.
you have kids, there will be a last time that you will ever hug them.
will be a last time that you eat a French fry.
will be a last time that you tell someone - anyone - that you
odds are... you won't know that it's the last time that you
do any of these things.
of you don't know that I have lived the last several years weighed down
by depression. There have been joyous times during those years,
of course, but there have also been times at which I have, honestly,
felt absolutely worthless. I've felt like the world was just passing
me by as I struggled, and the worst part was that I LET it happen.
felt like I didn't deserve to enjoy my life because I hadn't
accomplished what I needed to... so I just let things slide and kept
sinking down further.
don't want to live the rest of my life feeling like I don't deserve
to be happy, and I have a feeling some of you out there might be in
the same boat.
the love of whatever you find holy, WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
you knew you were going to die tomorrow, would you do things differently
today? You most likely would.
you drive today, you could get hit by a truck. Even if you stay
inside, you could have a sudden freak medical episode - like an aneurysm
or a heart attack - and you could drop dead. Even if you're the
healthiest person you know, something could happen and this
could be the end. It's not a probability by any means... but it's
always a possibility.
might be the last day you have, so you need to wake up and start enjoying
could be "the last time" for a lot of things... so you'd better
MAKE IT COUNT.
won't get another shot at this life, and in many respects, it costs
NOTHING to do more to MAKE IT COUNT.
next time you play the guitar, don't just play it... play the hell
out of it.
next time you hug your kids, don't just hug them... hug the hell
out of them.
next time you have sex with someone, bang the hell out of them.
next time you make pancakes, make the hell out of them.
(Even I don't know exactly what I mean by this... maybe you should play
some exciting music in the background or something.)
big deal is this: I don't care how young you are or how healthy
you are, your life is finite and if you don't step up and really
start living with a purpose, then you're going to be wasting your time
tired of being idle. I'm tired of only feeling like I "deserve"
to let life drag me along at its whim. It's time to climb up and
start living my life instead of just existing. It's time to start
kicking life's ass instead of the other way around.
when things get rough - and life will get rough, I assure you
- we can still find the nuggets of joy in it to make it more tolerable.
need to start living with purpose and making things count, because we
never know when "the last time" will be.
just live your life, people... live the hell out of it.
You will never get another chance.