Two Hundred Forty.
December 3rd, 2021, SOVA Hotel, Dallas, TX.
That's not something I've chosen, and no choices that I've made have either sped up or slowed down the process. Time, as I've often said, can be cruel... and no matter what, whether I like it or not, I'm fifty now.
It wasn't my decision. I can't help it. I can do what I can to not look fifty, and I've heard that I've done a decent job of that... but there's no denying it: I'm fifty.
I read something amusing the other day: Don't see it as an age; see it as a level. Instead of saying that I'm fifty years old, I can say that I've made it to Level 50. I started at Level 0 right here in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and I made my way through some wonderful as well as some horrible circumstances, interacting with countless others and making my way through life... and now I've reached Level 50. That sounds a bit more badass.
At certain points in my life, I didn't think I'd ever make it to 40, let alone 50, so this is not something I'm weeping about. It's an accomplishment of which I'm pretty damned proud.
just about divorced. Yep; really.
On Saturday, June 5th of last year, Lanna told me that she was "thinking about moving out." Within a week, she had already moved back into our old house (which we had not yet sold after purchasing a newer home in 2019), purchased some new furniture, and stopped wearing her wedding ring. We are currently going through a divorce, and it will likely be completed within a month of this writing.
Some of you out there might be thinking, "Well, gee, Badger, I bet you hate her guts, don't you?" Nope. This is not about one of us being "evil" and the other one being "good." She made some decisions that I didn't like, and I made some decisions that she didn't like. Over the course of our almost sixteen years together, we had some great times, and we had some rough times, and as those years went on, it became more and more evident that she and I were very different people without enough in common to hold things together. When she told me that she was thinking of leaving, it didn't surprise me much at all.
In fact, I had first brought up the idea of moving out about five and a half years ago, and then brought up the idea of getting divorced close to three years ago. This was not a shocking new idea for us. We kept trying to make it work, but it just... didn't. She finally decided to take the next steps, and I'm actually grateful and proud of her for doing so. She's worked hard on moving each step forward and taking care of a lot of the tedious paperwork.
Lanna's not a bad person. She's a great mom to our children and really cares for their best interests. Neither of us have been greedy about the divorce terms, and the custody of our children will be (and, for the last half-year or so, has been) evenly divided. Our two sons, from all appearances and the conversations that we've had about this, seem to be taking all of this extremely well. As far as Lanna and I have been concerned, there have been a couple of rough spots, but the separation and divorce whatnot have gone very smoothly for the most part.
So... there's no need to say that you're "sorry" to hear about the split, and I don't want any of you feeling like you need to "take sides." No matter what... do not give Lanna any shit about this. Mmmkay?
It was a long time coming, I'm glad that it's happened, and she and I will both be better off.
I don't anticipate that Lanna and I will ever be "best friends," but we are moving forward with this in an especially civil fashion. I hope she knows that if she ever needs anything that I can help her with, I'll do what I can to assist. She has certainly bailed me out of some extremely bad situations in the past, and I owe her a lot. Despite our differences, we've had some wonderful memories over the past sixteen years, and I wish her well and hope that she finds someone who can really make her feel happy and fulfilled. She deserves it.
have I started seeing someone new?
a big dude... yet again.
If you've followed me for a while, then you've seen me post about my struggles with my weight before. Over the course of the pandemic, I ballooned back up to the heaviest I've ever been; I recently hit two-hundred twenty-five pounds. I'm not proud of that, and I realize that the extra weight isn't good for me. Diabetes has been an issue on both sides of my family, and I know that I've got to knock some of this weight down. So, I've actively adopted a new regimen and I'm going to try to stick to it.
If any of this sounds familiar or redundant... you're right. I've tried it before, a number of times. Losing weight and keeping the weight off is really difficult, and I often lose my passion for it. We'll see how things go.
However, this time I've brought in some hired help. I'm going back to a gym, and I now have a trainer named Kris who pushes me without being a drill sergeant about it. I'm working toward positive progress. I'll post an update when I've made a significant change.
that being said... I refuse to let the weight issue shake my confidence.
We only get a certain number of days here on Earth, and I'm not going
to sit around getting sad and beating myself up about my weight.
Over the years, I've learned that when it comes to how I feel about
my appearance, I've got three major choices:
Hopefully, in the future, I can go into much further detail about my weird thought processes that have reinforced my self-esteem. I'm not perfect - not by a loooooong shot - and I've got a lot of improvement ahead of me. But, I can acknowledge that and, simultaneously, feel good about myself.
initial "run" of Radio SRO has ended... but it hasn't completely
For a while, Radio SRO and the Groovy Train were being presented every Saturday, and it was a bit overwhelming, with a few other elements causing me to just not enjoy it as much as I did at the outset. In 2021, I shifted things down and started presenting Radio SRO and the Groovy Train on the first, third, and fifth Saturdays of each month. It still took too much out of me... so, a few months back, I announced that I would be ending the regularly-scheduled run of Radio SRO.
I had a few more pre-scheduled Radio SRO dates since then, and I've occasionally popped up with impromptu or near-impromptu Radio SRO/Groovy Train performances.
However, after the last few of those performances netted relatively few viewers and barely enough tips to keep the broadcasts afloat, I decided to terminate them indefintely. I shut off my subscription to Mixcloud Pro, which means that even though my sets on Mixcloud from the last decade or so are still available for you to hear for free... even if I wanted to do a live performance online, I couldn't, until I set my Pro account back up.
I recommend following me on Facebook and following me on Mixcloud. I often announce my performances on the Facebook page, and if you are following me on Mixcloud you should receive notifications whenever I start a live DJ set online.
I will do some live sets again - both "in person" and online. But it'll be a little while. I've got other things to which I need to attend.
As always, BIG thanks go out to Tim Barraza and the SROcialites who keep coming back time and time again to watch and listen to me spin tunes online. You've changed this weird vintage DJ's life, and I appreciate it greatly.
quick update on my prostate cancer scare.
I recently had some labs run, and my PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) levels were back down to normal. I'm not sure why they'd gone down, as they were still slightly elevated when I last had them checked, but this is great news.
I do have a few medical "things" that are bothering me, but they're of relatively low significance, and I am having them dealt with by qualified professionals.
shied away from social media a bit more than usual.
Even though I mentioned Facebook up above... I don't post there nearly as much as I used to. A lot of what I see there just depresses me, and I would really rather be focusing on things that make me happier and fuel my own creativity.
no longer wish to feel guilt about being happy.
That brings me to this revelation: There is no shame in being happy.
I used to feel bad about even trying to be happy; long ago, I told myself that I simply was unable to feel that emotion to its fullest. Part of me would feel guilty about feeling happiness when there was so much suffering in the rest of the world. One can acknowledge the suffering of others while still experiencing joy, and as long as one is still doing something to help improve the lives of other people, there is no shame in allowing one's self to feel wonderfully selfish happiness. I'm still working on that, but for the most part, I refuse to feel guilt about it. I deserve happiness.
Finally, I want to post a few pictures of my 2021 birthday cake, which was built/decorated by a friend of mine and looked totally kickass. :) Yep, that's an intricately-crafted Depeche Mode Black Celebration label made of icing.
Okay... that'll do for now. More soon, hopefully. Thank you, everyone, for your support.
[The badgerkelley.com site is still forthcoming. The views and opinions expressed in my posts are mine and mine alone. No posts on this site, nor any of my posts on social media, should be considered representative of any company for which I work, nor any company for which I've ever worked, nor any company which I own or have owned. Also, since you're already here reading this: Don't rent cars from Dollar, Thrifty, or Hertz. Thanks.]